stepping

so i just quit two of three jobs. the two part time ones - i'm not that insane.

and swear, i saw the monkey jump off my back and walk out my door.

i am done.

done with work at 3.

done with fallbacks. i gotta step up. i can live off of what i make - there is no reason for me to be tripping on money when im not hurting.

i have to stop settling...no first, i have to let old shit go. so i didn't have the best opportunities handed to me. so i didn't go to the best school. i went to college. i went to a damn good college. and i got a great job.
so i have all this opportunity and i don't really know how to make the best of it - what happens when you have stole the master's tools and you don't know how to use them to destroy the house? didn't anticipate this, but it just means more learning. more reading to know what so few others came into this world knowing already. i have to keep shit in perspective - im striving to be in the top ten percent - the cream of the educational, financial , economic crop. its going to take some work, and even if i don't have someone validating my every decision, i have to trust myself that yea, i am a smart girl, and i can make rational decisions.

with that, back to settling.

i have to stop settling. i have to believe that i can do better - when it comes to careers, i am at least qualified to be manager, if not the damn director of whatever job i apply to! it doesn't matter that i am young - i am smart, inquisitive, and a leader. i get shit done.

i have to believe i can do better with men. i know that i am a catch; i've been told more than once. so when a guy comes around and treats me like anything less, its not my job to school him, but it is my responsibility to myself to let him go his own way while i continue to keep my standards. even if i haven't seen what i want, i know it exist, and thats all i can hope for. i must continue to hold myself down, and when i want a mister right, be ready to recognize ripe fruit because i am already familiar with it through myself.

its time to step it up.