got a flashback to my birthday... and that weekend... and although it was fun, i wish i could have been then who i am becoming now. like, i wish you could read this and realize that yeah, i was who i was then because of what i was going through, but that's not all that i could be. i wish i had a chance to say more - not quite sure why, just wish i did.
---
my most recent prayers:
God, please help me be who i am in my my honest hours at all times
God, please keep me in the moment
God, please help me with this patience thing - apparently its a quality you intend for me to have
---
who knew loneliness could be this damn lonely? who knew friendships post-structured settings (school) would come so randomly? but a part of me is telling me not to worry - that my need is not based in reality (but the pain is so gnawingly painful, God). that all good things are in my future (thanks ricky).
---
"you are going through so much. and each is so weighty and massive, t. anyone who doesn't understand why you don't call, especially now, doesn't deserve to be called 'friend'".
thank you so much for that - i thought it was just me.
---
some people i really just shouldn't have re-befriended. some things maybe should have been left as they were. some things should have an 'easy' button, while others wouldn't have been as good as they are if they did. and some i need to re-friend instead of just reading their facebook page every once in a while.
ever feel that way?
this isn't all - i just don't have the words yet to quantify all this tumult.
