slowly, surely

it took a minute to come back to you.

I never was one big on capitalization. i never understood why i needed to do it - everybody in this relationship (me and you) already knew how special you were to me.

i let little things get in the way - i was pissed cause i knew that Word wasn't, couldn't be what you really believed. i knew if anyone believes in equality, in truth and love, it had to be you. I just couldn't buy - or believe in - anything else.

i knew i couldn't be impure just because i am a woman. i knew that i was still beautiful even i am dark. i always left with this aching sense of incompleteness.

then in '92 - i really wondered if you existed. if so, how could you let one soul be so ... handicapped?

its true that you move in mysterious ways. i've learned so much in this world. i don't always internalize as quick or as much as i should. remember when i was so angry?

but out of everybody, you always had my back - you kept me sane, helped me really get into what i loved most - music. no one else may know, but we both do that truly, music. saved. my. life.

(you're making me realize that Baba Says Cool for Thought is the Truth (thanks shay-shay) That I need to pay as much attention to what goes in my ears as what I put in my mouth.)

...wash u was rough - i'm still trying to understand what more i am suppose to take from that, other than a diploma...

(selah)

and recently...recently... wow. you are amazing, huh? i prayed, begged, wrote till my heart bled for a guy like T. then i got him. and it wasn't what i really needed, huh? we learned, we parted amicably, but really, you made me sit down and ask myself, what is it that i really wanted?

what i really wanted was you.

i wanted a hug. that kind of hug that never ends, that has that slow-rub-and-pat-on-the-back part that really lets you fall apart. i needed someone to collapse into. i needed

need

assurance in my rapidly changing, expanding, evolving and sometimes-scary world that everything will be alright. and i was looking for it in all the wrong places. my friends had a little bit of it. the guys i dated had some, too, but it was never enough. i was still hurting. never everything that i needed all in one person.

i foolishly thought that maybe monogamy wasn't for me. that wasn't the issue.

you gave me a glimpse of true Love. and it humbles me even now to think how forgiving, how real, how great it can be. that its more than just between a man and woman (or a woman and woman or man and man)

that Love is accepting all forms of love.

that it means loving those that might not love you as much.
its honoring the You in them.

have you ever noticed that real love songs could be gospel songs as well?

i dedicate this to You.