why, what and but...

i don't think i can think anymore. my brain is starting to hurt and manifest this pain into uncontrollable scalp itch so i am sitting here, drowning in papers, blogging when i know i need to be reading socrates' trial cause my high-achieving butt thought it would be so great to demonstrate the Socratic method...

i roll my eyes even as i smile...

WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?? DO I WANT TO TEACH OR WORK SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE EDUCATION FIELD?? COMFORT IS AN EVIL THING

cause if i get a contract, then that's it. I can stay as long as i don't goof up horribly. i can get comfortable.

but i feel this but

but if i accept at BBBS (hopefully there will be a job offer soon...or hopefully not too soon) then what if there is an offer from MICDS? what will i do then?

why are there all these whys and whats and buts??

O DEAR GOD I AM SO STRESSED WITH OPPORTUNITY!!

but there is more

am i not as good as a person as i thought i was? ai made a correct observation - i have fallen out with everyone up here. there have been moments of no talking and i am always the one to make amends... even though each time, i didn't do shit to start the quiolence (quiet violence) in the first place... or maybe i did...

i am too afraid to watch that movie "how to lose friends and alienate people" cause its probably about me.

imma talk this out with daddy. then finish reading. then go to bed. this ish sucks. wait - let me amend that. the bad ish sucks.