whirlwind of contradictions

so i can move on...


so, i'm not quite sure where i am right now. i am happy cause i'm alone, and that i am around people who understand solitude is not a bad thing.
or do they?

not everything is about you. that's my mantra from now on.

i've grown tired of trying to explain myself. from now on, i am that dude in office space who just does whatever he wants to do because the truth is addicitive and can get you far.

i don't think i'm upset. i've gotten this new found peace and patience with leaving the wu - i'm not stressed because things have a way of working themselves out. and i love the fact that i finally have a room of my own, although i enjoyed living with others.

the wu was rough. i changed a lot, and not always for the best. it was hard, and for a large stretch of it, i was hella depressed. but i'm twelve days from being done. i've accepted that many people won't understand where i'm coming from with my bittersweet love for the wu. but it's almost done. and that's all that matters.

i am a whirlwind of contradictions, but i don't think that's all that bad.

i'm okay with the fact that i don't have all the answers. that i don't know what i want from life. that it takes me 30 minutes to get dressed cause i hate making decisions. that i am overly sensitive but underly-expressive and people are beginning to realize this.

i still have to work on not taking everything personal, but when are those times that i should? or should i just let it be unless you bring it to me? but what happens when your bad mood invades my space? what should i do then?

i realized the importance of family over the past few days. that these are the people that God made perfect - they judge you, but they love you fiercely. we fight, but we hug and laugh. we bare all to each other with no fear of repercussion. they always ALWAYD have your back (and are ready to whup someone's ass at the roll of an eye). these are the ones that will forever be closest to me because they never turn. never fade. hurt, but never stop loving. andi realize how blessed i am for that.

i realize that friendship is complicated. its never what you expect but always a lesson learned. it changes as friends grow, and sometimes.
sometimes.
it never really ever existed in the first place.

t