livin' in the projects / what is blackness?

so i just saw the little scrappy song "livin' in the projects" (see the video) (read the lyrics) and i'm pissed. and just ... tired.

when did living in the projects become the quintessential experience of black people? when did we start striving to get street cred instead of going to damn school? who the fuck mistakenly believes that hardship only happens in the projects?

i've spent a couple years hearing the "taunt" that i was a suburban girl. i'm not going to prove just how "black" i am. i don't feel a need to any more. but for those stuck in Backwardsville:

yea, i had the lights turned off.

yea, lived through eviction. twice.

yea, didn't have any food in the frig for a while.

yea, had the electricity turned off.

yea, christmas got kinda sparse a couple of years.

yea, i was teased for talking white.

yea, i made it to a top ten almost-ivy school and was promptly called 'ghetto'.

(how's that for some role reversal?)

so what, im suppose to revel in these experiences? am i suppose to look back with fondness in my heart and nostalgia on my face like "yea, it was fun when we had roaches"?

and whats funny is that this problem isn't new - back in the day, blackness was still questioned between the formally educated 'elite' and the "peons" - and it was seen as a positive to be educated and still self-describe yourself as a "race man/woman". look it up.

nor am i arguing for the opposite - i understand that living in the projects comes with a type of stigma in some circles...that being on stamps can be embarrassing...that accepting welfare checks can be demoralizing on the self-esteem, especially for those that see themselves as the head of the household. but i know mad people who are morally and educationally richer in the projects than some i've met at school. and i've seen some apartments that looked straight out of a home and garden magazine...i still wonder how miss d. got that big ass couch and glass dining room table in her spot on the third floor with no elevator...

and vice versa - nasty people live everywhere. they ain't limited to one section of town. please believe. and rich folk got more problems than any other group i've ever seen - not only is it keeping up with the schnucks' and forsyths', its working hella hours a week. and a hustle is a hustle - rich folk just got better lawyers.

and i know i am one big contradiction - i am the first to talk about revoking a black card or getting it stamped. but yeah, i heard that comment a while ago (i forgot who said it to me) that we, as a black people, should stop saying "such and such is ghetto" because it only adds to this idea that those who live in ghettos are sub-standard. i know i have some ish to work on, and this is why i needed to get this out. i know i am not the only person who has been teased for living where they do. shit, i called somebody oreo way back in the day (as i sat in class with my dad's corduroy pants [cause that was cheaper than buying a new pair] and my freshly sharpie -colored-in black shoes [so you couldn't see the holes. i still do that to flip flops]).

we all kinda fucked up and we, as a people, have got to do better. aim higher. believe more in ourselves that shit really can improve in our lives, and stop with the helplessness that ignorance grants - get up get out and better yourself and better opportunities will present themselves to you. nothing worth having in life comes easy, and walking through that door of opportunity might not be as easy for you as it was for another, but do it nonetheless and be proud of the fact that yes, you can be black and live in the 'burbs. you can be black and not know how to do the soldier boy (although that dance is mad fun)

...you can be black and teach at a private school and not see yourself as selling out... whoops. my bad. one of the haints haunting me slipped out...