lemonade and all

some thoughts from today

1. my fam - always the entity closest to my heart. after a talk with the middle sis, i felt invigorated. its time to live up to my name. its time to make my grandpa proud. its so...funny. we know our dreams so well, but we are always to afraid to try to make them real. as if, somehow, we might fail. as if that would be the most devastating thing in the world. but truly, the worst thing would be never to have tried at all.

2. relationships - me and the roomie talked. we know, without being conceited, that we love ourselves, and really, we are pretty cool people. i guess its time to let that radiate outwards. not to just say it, but really truly believe it. i know im not perfect, and i have things to work on (which i thinks makes me better) but i also know that i am pretty damn cool, and that counts for something. and that i don't need to settle for anything less than a mountain (thanks lucille)

3. forgiveness - its hard to forgive that person in your past that hurt you so bad you just knew you wouldn't trust again. for me, it wasn't just some random guy, although there was one, but it was someone i love dearly, and i still love. and even though i don't understand all of what happen, i still forgive and also ask for forgiveness, and i think that wound is finally finally starting to heal. and with the guy, i wonder, what do you do? someone told me tonight that what he did was not intentional - but does that mean that it hurts any less than malicious intent? sometimes it is the mistakes, the sheer carelessness of thought, that smarts the worse. and what, as the receiver, should you do? can you be friends? should you let it go completely? is there an in-between? as one who has been hurt and has done the hurting, i'm am still unsure, but i know that feelings are something that are unbelievably fragile, and should not be taken lightly. i guess all you can do is recognize, and keep living day to day, and try to sweeten the bitterness left from past lemons.

you know, lemonade and all.