my bad...

i already know that i shouldn't be writing this late because my thoughts after midnight are usually uncensored and unusually clear, but here i go anywayz...

1. silence - there are things i see that are sketchy as hell but i won't speak on because it could mean losing a future contact. but its annoying - i am told one thing, but i see another. and i can't speak on it because it would make things 'awkward'. or maybe just awkward for you and ... fine for me. (she says as she sits back and sucks her teeth lol) but really, i am realizing i am more and more daring with testing the limits of appropriateness, especially in questioning things...imma just let that one fall off...

2. advice - don't ask me for advice unless you plan to listen. don't ask me for advice, then argue with me about it, then turn around and ask me again what you should do. it will save me some breath. if i talk to you for an extended amount of time it normally means (surprise) i actually care about you. and wouldn't purposefully try to lead you astray. (no anger there, i swear)

2.5 truth - why does it often sound so mean?

3. phones - so i didn't call. now i actually answer. i realize that as much as i said before that people shouldn't take my no-answering-the-phone thing personal, people (once again, see above statement) don't listen to me. so i know its going to take some time to re-build some of the friendships i lost during college. but why has it been so hard to keep the ones i had?

4. friendship - is a tricky thing. between lovers and almost-sisters - its a difficult things to understand and an even more difficult thing to keep. people grow and change, and i am not sure what's better: to grow together or to grow apart.

5. forgiveness - when do you know when to forgive? what's past the second strike? if its even a situation to be forgiven, or perhaps i just realized i cared more than i should have? what's appropriate to forgiven, and when should the chalk be whipped out and "lost" be written?

6. me - sage words -
The person u are now is
pretty much it. I mean, you're done. You're gonna grow, change a
little bit more, so focus on this person.
buts its so hard for me to accept me...

(to the girl who once saw rainbows through her eyelashes)
((my biggest fear is myself...wow)