i wrote this as you laid in my arms
its when your whining escalates from crying to wailing, flicking the finger to self-soothing bullsh*t i read in the baby books.
and i don't know what started this bout, but i do know its not going to be over soon.
its the moment when my brain cracks from it all - i mean, damn, I've been up since 6, working since 8, cooking dinner since 5, and cleaning up since 7
and you are now screaming so hard you're gagging.
its the part of me that make me get it together to console you, by-passing my own need for sanity.
because really, all you want is me to lay with you until you go to sleep, and to be there when you wake up - and how can i deny a want i myself recognize so well?
so i lay. and i pat. and i rub.
and your head inevitably, predictably, finds the spot on my chest above my heart. and you turn your ear to tune into it.
and it slows for you, to calm you, just as it has since you've chosen me.
and i go from simply-laying-here-until-you-go-to-sleep-cause-I've-got-stuff-to-do to falling
into
the pillow
and
inhaling
deeply
and its that snuggle you do that makes me vow to love you more tomorrow that i did today
that lets me know that yes, i am a mommy.
to t, who knows when to call, and for making me laugh until no sound comes out, so that i can blame the wetness on my cheeks on your hilarious stories if anyone asks.
