#1
unlock the door and walk in - yes, home at last. remove all the winter layers from me and m. grab the remote, knocking the bacon crumbs off of it from this morning. yay direct tv cause Barney recorded! turn it on and fwoom...fade to black...
so, i have learned how to fall asleep in a heartbeat. literally - the/thump, the/thump. the/sleep.
my body has learned to magically sense when the show is ending and as i come to and look around, i wonder what baccanalian-like party m has hosted (remember, he is 20 months old) while i was asleep. all the figurines he can find are lined up on the edge of the couch, staring at me. his pants lay listlessly off the edge of the couch. my hair has been undone and my ponytail holder is now wrapped around his diaper. and he. is sitting. in the middle. of the floor. nude.
#2
9:00p. m's been asleep for an hour and i could be accomplishing so many things that tend to pop up in a home - who knew a home was so much flippin work? - but no, instead i am laying on the couch watching one of my addictions - home improvement shows, mythbusters, anything on comedy central, or kipper (which has thee most fire-est theme song EVER - please, go listen now and come back and finish reading). so i go to stretch out and it hits me - the sheer funk from my armpits. yep - having a kid really screws up your hormones, even 2 years later. so i, at times, sweat like a linebacker (sexy, i know, right) so i should go shower, but i am too tired to get up. so...i grab the snuggie, not because i am cold, but because it has arms and covers my armpits, so i no longer smell anything. and i continue watching my shows.
#3
me - m! why did you just... (insert your own randomness here. examples include "dump your juice from the sippy cup onto the white rug?" or "throw the remote behind the couch?" or my favorite "hide the raisins inside the couch?"
m - abucha na me! nooooo! no, ma, no (with accompanying finger wag at me)
me - dude - i just saw you! why did you do that?
m - nooooo! no no no no no! (he begins to back out the room, still wagging his finger. i have to commend him - the ability to waggle his finger AND back up is awesome)
me - where are you going? hey! come here!
#4
6:01 - cooking dinner. m is "cooking" alphabet soup with me - using the magnetic letters off the fridge, he puts them in various pots and lets me sample. he's so cute.
6:02:10 - he stands, wanders away.
6:02:15 - "hey babe, where are you? whatcha doin?" no response.
6:02:22 - i turn the corner to see m with the baby powder. the walls. the carpet. his hair. everything has a fine layer of white powder over it. and he is standing amidst it all, with the biggest smile on his face.
#5
"m! stop dripping milk from your sippy cup onto your belly and rubbing it in! that is SOO not appropriate!"
#6
i misspelled the word misspell on a student's paper as i was correcting her misspelled word. yep.
back to comedy central :)
