the quiet love that only family offers - that unwavering, reassuring, supportive, non-judgmental but will let you know kinda love.
and i am homesick because i've realized that not every family is like this.
i still call her mommy. and him daddy. and although i've never said it to their face, i call them "sis" just like all our aunties call each other. we've never been a lovey-dubey kinda family; something i though i always wanted. you know, all wearing matching pajamas surrounding the christmas tree with the golden retriever? naw. we are something different, but not necessarily for better or for worst.
the postcards can have their family. i just want my own (back). here. sitting, watching the game with mom yelling. dad reading (READING!! FOR FUN!!) t1 making me laugh til i pee. t2 philosophizing in her own beautiful passionate way. even t4 running into people with his wheelchair...
...
i am alone tonight. and i understand now what it feels to be put behind... as i walked out of sex and the city, i saw all these girl groups, all dressed in heels, all laughs and giggles and freshly wiped away tears of hope and and wishes and love... and i called d and apologized for all those times i put k before her. and in her way, i think she accepted it.
"it takes a while to find that balance" she says.
"yeah, i guess you have to go through it to know how to do it, huh" i reply
