sick/and tired

left work early today because i am feeling so very ill ...  definitely wish i had somebody to a)whine to and b)take care of me and the house - you know, finish the laundry, put up dinner, and all the other little stuff that i really don't feel up to doing but still need to be done.  that's the sucky part about being a single mom (and there really aren't many, thank goodness) is that i have to be the adult and do all this mess... even when i am sick.. i still haven't gotten out to plow the driveway (and i don't think imma do it)

but laying under my new ikea duvet makes it all better :) 

and if i could figure out how to split the directv cable to the bedroom, i could watch tv in bed, making this doubly enjoyable :)

.....

i was once asked where earwax comes from, and i responded its the body's way of blocking bullish that we hear everyday.  guess this explains why i've run out of qtips - what the deuce is going on in the world?  unions are losing their rights, pensions are getting sucked away, folks are rebelling via facebook and twitter, Gov. Kasich (why oh why was he elected?  oh yeah, cause i live in a state with a bunch of...)  is all "screw ALLL of yall - imma do what i want and keep working on getting rid of the middle class so that the rich can stay rich and the poor can become our servants bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"    and then the proposed funding cuts of npr (my pesonal crack), education (cause we don't care about our children, just about blowing up insurgents in the mountains of afghanistan), and my personal favorite, planned parenthood.

 - mounting my soap box -

firstly, if men got pregnant/had periods, then this wouldn't even be an issue.  as t1 said, if men experienced periods, one week off per month with pay would be standard at every job.  if they messed up and accidently ended up pregnant, then i  bet not only would abortions be covered by insurance, but there wouldn't even be a copay.

but they don't.  so here i stand - my ability to make decisions about my body are being sucked away by old people with penises who supposedly represent my interests.  awesome.

secondly - i love all the layers of this argument.  abortion is an intensely personal decision that stays with you for the rest of your life.  please read "the lost baby poem" by gwendolyn brooks.  please escort these women past people they don't know but who feel entitled enough to blurt hate at them into the clinic, and watch them sit alone - although they didn't get here alone - in those waiting rooms.  watch them, fidgety hands unconciously rubbing their soon to be empty wombs.  Enter the surgery rooms with them where they stick the cold metal duck bills between, vacuum out the one-night-stand, the oh-shit-the-condom-broke, the but-we-already-have-two-kids-dear, the i-really-do-want-you-little-one-but-just-not-now-so-please-come-back-later-please.  hold their hand as they walk, wombs weeping blood in your grandmother's-sized pads into the waiting room.  hold the big white cups for them as they vomit, due to the sedatives given to numb the physical pain.  follow them back to their apartments, homes, condos - and watch them continue life, unable to talk to too many for fear of being judged.

thirdly - so she keeps the baby - and becomes the statistic.  and is still judged.  what could be more humbling than standing in line to plead for help because even though i work/am a college grad/am in school/trying to better myself i can't afford to provide for my son/daughter because i have money but not wealth/its a recession/my man can't get and keep a job/, so could you please help me? 

okay, i'm done. apparently idle hands make me a thougthful girl.

 - stepping down -

back to "modern family"

la-la-la

im amazed that i can be falling in love with no one but myself - not in the conceited Kobe Bryant kinda way, but in a learning to love all of me period so i can love someone else eventually period kinda way.  somersault by zero 7 just snuck up on me the way any good song does, then lookin' for another pure love by stevie wonder came and sat next to us, and here we are, harmonizing. 

i was told once, when i was going through a rough time, that you have to allow yourself to feel all the emotions, not just the good ones.  but this feeling of pure contentment and happiness is so overwhelming, i don't think i can contain it all

 :)

i am in love with love.  with the idea that we can see ourselves in others, outside of ourselves, within ourselves and allow for that harmony.  that i can capture that feeling with music and share it with someone else - no words, just the feeling

...
 fam

i love how you laugh with me at only 2 weeks old

 such a beautiful bad -ass

t1 t2

just gotta make it through valentine's day. 

thanks G for removing the obstacles from my path, but maybe, just maybe, i was using them to hide from being an adult.  no?  gotta keep moving and growing?  ok.  imma get on that tomorrow. 

promise.